The Creaking Planks

2001-01-03: Planks and Friends at the Little Mountain Studios!

Blackbox Squeezebeard — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 05:48:42 +0000

We haven’t played a show with our Victorian friend Natasha Enquist since the Accordion Noir festival four months ago, but her luscious leiderhosen made a compelling case for welcoming her back to town. Besides, she sat in the front row when we played the Solstice, so we owe it to her to make her feel welcome. Similarly, with some false alarms accounted for it’s been a while since we last played the Little Mountain Studios (almost seven months! can it truly be? unprecedented!), but perhaps the absence will make our return to our first “house band” assignment all the sweeter. And how better to cinch the deal than draw on our renaissance man of the arts, Ehren Salazar, improvisatory master of every medium he sets himself to. (Need we remind you of the thrilling account of the reverse zamboni?) All that plus we hope to fool Dr. Steelhand into bringing out the cards and coins again for some legerdemain and fine trickery, and it can be yours for a suggested five dollar donation to help us float Natasha out with her squeezebox. (For a sneak preview, catch her the night of Friday the 2nd from 9:30-10:30 pm on Accordion Noir at CFRO 102.7 fm!)

Edit: arguably our best LMS performance ever, despite virtually no PA and the bitter end of Vancouver’s surprise winter weather (the LMS formerly being a butcher’s shop, the back area is actually designed precisely for making meat cold; in any case, the hoary frost kept Daisy Jones-Locher away, but otherwise it was a nice Planks reunion to get the year off to a good start) — we filled every chair in the place and all the acts were well-received, with special audience guests the Mezamazing crew who we hope to join us on stage there in a few months.

Calgary visitor Sean handily took a photo of the proceedings, the space still decked up for the holidays. Can you spot the new member?

Sean took a photo of the Planks in full array

What’s more, Cap’n Jack Spareribs posted a live video up on Facebook from the concert of Natasha playing the old Russian standard “Dark Eyes” or Ochi chyornye … and Planks Lee Shoal and Wyoming Johnny cutting a rug to it!

2008-12-31: New Year’s Eve Party with Petunia & the Vipers and the Highballs

Blackbox Squeezebeard — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 20:41:35 +0000

It ain’t Portland, but sometimes us Planks don’t have to travel quite so far afield to find friends to hang out with on New Year’s Eve. We’ll be sharing the stage at Chapel Arts (304 Dunlevy Avenue at Cordova) with our pal Petunia and the Vipers as well as the Highballs. All that plus appetizers, champagne at midnight and a chance to get an eyeful of the Galatians 3:19 group show currently hanging there!Admission is $40 in advance, $50 at the door and $20 after midnight. For further information, you can go right to the source!

2008-12-21: Planks play at the Winter BEERstice

Blackbox Squeezebeard — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 20:13:58 +0000

The Creaking Planks’ alter egoes, the Clinking Pints, come through here in musical celebration of some tasty brews that, though they may not quite be our hallowed and vaunted “Schmutzigesocken”, still get the job done. Also, there’s some solstice thing happening — ask a Wiccan.

Doors at 8:30 pm, inexpensive drinks (”$3.25 beers; excellent, high-end scotch for $4.50; coolers for $3.75″) until ~2 am. Further entertainment (but really, when you have a gaggle of Planks, what more is truly called for?) is suggested as including “the comedic stylings of Richard Lett” and “the gorgeous ring of Jill Binder’s ukelele!” This all goes down in the rented Jericho Garrison Combined Mess hall at 4050 West 4th Ave.

Never Give A Puppy For Christmas

Blackbox Squeezebeard — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 04:49:13 +0000

Last summer (August 2007), following a kind word from our rare musical saw player par excellence Rusty Sawbones during a recording session at Rave On Studios, the Planks were invited to contribute a tune to the second annual Very Vancouver Christmas SPCA benefit compilation (of which volume three is now available!) Taking a tip from Andrea Hector’s “Old Mutt For Christmas” the first year around (as well as perennial holiday novelty favorite “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas“), during a reading material-less Greyhound trip back from a silent-movie-themed wedding in Washington State, Blackbox drew up a list of holidays and animals associated with them, aiming to distill them down into a document stating a central core thesis: that animals are pals for all year round, not just holidays.

Of course, knowing that everyone else on board would capitalise on the donation of their work to demonstrate their soft-pop radio friendliness, and knowing that even if we tried the Planks could do no such thing, instead we perversely went for contrast and dwelled gleefully glumly in our trademark melancholic sound… but with goofy lyrics, however cogent to the matter at hand.

Our local animal shelters are still earning royalties from our somewhat terrifyingly sloppy recording (second only to the terror of the photoshop jobs that incrementally crammed the entire band into a single frame), so it can’t be dished up for your enjoyment without stealing valuable pennies from the pound (but here’s a fun way you can send some kibble their way!), but Plank alumnnus (and filk superstar!) Strong Brew Lundervillain did record an uncannily spirited version of her own with musical partner John (and here is their website) and here you can even download it. Gadzooks!

Now, for the first time, if you like you can even have the option of reproducing the tune for yourselves courtesy of one of Blackbox Squeezebeard’s bastard streamlined lyrics/chord arrangements, not entirely dissimilar to the ones the Planks learn all their songs with!

		intro:
 	   A-          D-          E7
 	(I want a hippopotamus for Christmas...)

A-           E7        A-       E7 A-           E7              A-  A7
Never give a puppy for Christmas / Never give a chipmunk in the fall...
D-           A7            D-              E7            F+         E7
Never give a woodchuck for Groundhog day / Never give an octopus at all!
A-           E7       A-    E7 A-           E7           A-     A7
Never give a bunny at Easter / Never give a cat for Valentine's...
  D-                A-  E7 A-           B7            E7              A-     A7
A Passover pig is a bad idea, and don't even think of New Year's porcupines!

 	D-		     A-                        E7                                   A-          A7
 On St. Patrick's Day don't bring in any snakes / St. Patrick drove them out but you can't undo his mistakes...
       D-                             A-                 B7                          E7
 Don't give a caged bald eagle on the day of July 4 / On Hallowe'en a raven we'll be giving NE-VER-MORE...

(two instrumental verses, restart first line of first verse, then)
D-                         A-              E7         F+       E7                             A- D- E7 A-
Never give a woodchuck for Groundhog day / Never, no never, no never, give, an octopus at all!

2008-11-30: Creaking Planks feature at Thundering Word Heard

Blackbox Squeezebeard — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:36:50 +0000

Vancouver’s favorite open mic series on and off since its inception under T.Paul Ste.Marie and DJ Dutch Boy in 2001, we first featured there slightly over a year ago, following a strong reception at the BC:Clettes Rouge et Noir cabaret, and probably spent as much time trying to jockey everyone into place on the cozy stage as we did playing. We ended up performing several times over a period of a few weeks and then totally dropped off the radar for months. Let’s see if we can’t stagger things out a bit this time! Thundering Word is now hosted by Bill McNamara and Wanda Nowicki, and it doesn’t just have featured performers — it’s also a fully fledged open mic! Turn up to Cafe Montmartre (4362 Main at 28th) around 7:30 pm to sign up and you, too, could share our stage. Though probably not while we’re on it — there’s hardly room enough for us as it is! DJ Cassady will get you hooked up and we’ll see what spoken word / music fusion may result. (I’m on the edge of my seat!)

We should be returning to Cafe Montmartre January 11th to be the filling in a Petunia sandwich again, but you’ll be hearing more about that closer to the date.

Edit: Bill made a new drawing to promote our appearance this night! We only just found out about it upon arrival, but it’s a swell “Night on Bald Mountain” rendition of our “jug band of the damned” tag-line. Stand back and enjoy!

2008-11-28: Creaking Planks back at Velofusion for Spartacus!

Blackbox Squeezebeard — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 21:37:16 +0000

We must have made a good impression last month, since we’ve been invited back to play the same party again! (The “Velofusion” Critical Mass afterparty at the ANZA Club, 3 W. 8th at Ontario.) So to make up for past misdeeds, we’re going to play the exact same set, but entirely in reverse — undoing everything we did previously! We’ll pay for our stage time, dancers will lift their stomps right off the dancefloor and everyone will spit fountains of beer back into their little red plastic cups. What do you mean that’s crazy talk? I think it’s a great idea! But, admittedly, perhaps one whose time has not yet come. OK, you won me over — we’ll mix things up with some different players and different charts, but don’t think that the mere passage of Hallowe’en can hold back the Song of the Count! The Planks set is slated for ~9-10 pm.

The Orkestar Slivovica must have done something good last month also, since they’ve been invited back, too! It’ll be like a little reunion. Oh, how much can change over the course of 30 days! Also taking the stage that night are The Heard, Vital Divine, and DJ sets from Bee Winter and Adrian Blackhurst’s global funk & Balkan beats! The proceedings are fundraising this time around for Spartacus Books, the little anarchist bookstore that could, not only home to Squeezebeard’s monthly “57 Varieties” open stage and Vancouver’s only Esperantist group but also the ultimate wellspring for Accordion Noir! Admission is $10, but only $5 if you arrive with the Critical Mass.

2008-11-24: with the Lawn Dogs at the Railway Club

Blackbox Squeezebeard — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 01:41:42 +0000

As part of a noble (if irrelevant) lineage of shows going back to the spring’s SeaBus pirate party and further yet to an appearance at the Railway in April of 2006 that Tamara Nile set up for us, the Creaking Planks (need I remind you: THE JUG BAND OF THE DAMNED!) are once again descending upon the stage of the Railway Club (579 Dunsmuir Street) like a plague of, I don’t know, sizzling bacon bits hurtling hatefully from the angry sky. We’ve been paired this time around with The Lawn Dogs, a band billed as the best-dressed bluegrass band on Bowen Island… at our most elegant and dandified, conversely, we wear basic BC:Clette black and red with costume facial hair in places and styles it should never, ever, be growing. These baying hounds should be taking the early set ~9:30-10:30, leaving us to close the night in our fourth Railway appearance in as many months. As Mike Zinger of Whiskey Jar would be inclined to exclaim… “Not bad!”

2008-11-04: with Sister DJ’s Radio Band at Zawa

Blackbox Squeezebeard — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:32:31 +0000

This is it — we can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel the world has been trundling through for the past eight years. The question is: is it the headlight of an approaching train or a flicker of the genuine illumination of hope and freedom? The accordion has been used to propagandize for both sides of the US Presidential election (strangely not so for our three rounds of voting municipally, provincially in by-elections, or nationally — surely an underutilized gambit!) and Blackbox Squeezebeard for one would like to keep things non-partisan. That said, tonight’s show has gotten caught up in optimistic posturing as a welcoming party for Barack Obama (who will surely be weighing in approval on our renditions of Bob Uker’s songs about unemployment and hopelessness, albeit via the television in the corner broadcasting his acceptance speech.) And if the unspeakable should happen, we plan to follow the edicts of Leonard Cohen, as put forth in his poem The Music Crept By Us: “However since it is / New Year’s Eve / and I have lip cancer / I will place my / paper hat on my / concussion and dance.”

Hype and bombast aside, the show promises to be a lively one with an 8 pm opening set from The Ahs (aka Lovenschtein and Schteigel) for a half-hour, Riel Hahn’s comedy at 8:30 for another 30 minutes, then an hour of the humourous nostalgia of Sister DJ’s Radio Band, who kindly invited us to play for an hour (starting at 10 pm) following their set. All this hosted by Dave Malicki, plus that business on the TV set. All this goes down at Zawa (formerly Zesty’s) at 920 Commercial Drive, with doors at 7 pm, for only $5.

…

This show has struck a chord! Coverage not only by S.R. Duncan’s “The Drive Is Alive” and Allan Macinnis’ “Alienated in Vancouver” blogs (first promotional, then a review!), but our show was also mentioned on the front page of the Monday, Nov 3rd issue of the Vancouver Sun!

2008-10-31: Creaking Planks at “Veloween” Critical Mass afterparty

Blackbox Squeezebeard — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 21:14:53 +0000

What with our tremendous success last time around we figured that we’d be a shoe-in for next year’s (May) Pirate Critical Mass afterparty and that we’d be hearing back from the (pedal-)powers that be at that point. Perhaps remembering our Zombiewalk introduction into Vancouver, they’ve seen fit, however, to invite us back to join them for the Velofusion party this month on Hallowe’en! (We are the Jug Band of the Damned, after all. We’re humbled and flattered, but I hope they don’t think that this Squeezebeard is just a costume merkin!) Things get underway around 8 pm, with admission stated as $10 or $5 if you arrive with the Critical Mass in costume!

Other performances slated for the evening include our hornier separated-at-birth pseudo-sibling band Blackberry Wood, the Balkan marching band the Orkestar Slivovica, Miss Titty Kitty (come now, that name speaks for itself — but let’s not forget just how many titties kitties have!), a final performance from the full slate of Inject before percussionist Amrit parts ways to tour around India… and, rumour has it, a host of ghostly folks who really know how to dance along to Thriller. (A further rumour, depending on weather conditions and the wonderful impaired judgment of the mob mentality, has proposed a late-night naked costume bicycle ride. One thing we don’t have, folks, is boring gigs.)

…

Also, we had a great time at the Parade of Lost Souls Saturday then also at Montmartre Sunday night with Petunia (and then another great time in Strathcona with Alison and a hot bowl of her bors… I mean, blood soup.) We should be back there soon, and I don’t just mean for our Thundering Word feature spot November 30th!

Next up — Zawa’s on Tuesday Nov 4th with Sister DJ’s Radio Band, but more about that later!

Planks wrap up October: Parade of Lost Souls, Petunia at Montmartre

Blackbox Squeezebeard — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 22:42:46 +0000

We had so much fun at Horace Phair VI that we couldn’t keep still. (Especially Scruffy Bigbass, who had a claustrophobic call of the wild in the middle of past-midnight highway construction in the vicinity of Everett.)

This year, for HPVII, with under half as many Planks on board, things were a little more sedate for us…

though Nite Brite, The Pathogens and Oven Mitts were quite literally rocking the block while everyone else drank their head off with a pint of the homebrew Budd Dwyer ale on tap.

Then our timing belt broke in Olympia on the way back, but that’s a whole ‘nuther story (and a happy departure to a Planks tradition of strewing dead automobiles across the West Coast.) Do you have your copy of our HPVII mix yet?

…

A week later, we hunkered down with Whiskey Jar to wish our mutual friend Wyoming Johnny a very happy birthday, and tonight, Saturday October 25th, we are letting our online following (all other locals have already made up their minds about attending this regardless of our participation) know that, following a seasonal squash-mangling, we will be logging an appearance (an earful at least) at tonight’s Parade of Lost Souls, from six to nine pm in the Black Zone (at the intersection of William and Maclean, for the living.)

Tomorrow night, Sunday Oct 26th, we take to Cafe Montmartre (4362 Main Street at E 28th Avenue) to join roots showman Petunia in a brief opening set around 8 pm… to be followed by a drunken pumpkin-carving contest.

And as for Hallowe’en? Do keep posted… we have a special surprise in store.