We would have blacked out our site today in honour of the SOPA / PIPA protests, but as Cap’n Jack Spareribs said — here in Vancouver we had a white-out instead. Besides! There’s too much at stake! If we closed our doors today we might lose one last opportunity to remind you about our fabulous concert tonight tonight tonight, celebrating our 7th anniversary as a band, down at the Railway Club.

The West Ender didn’t forget…

(And thanks to Robin Hunt for snapping that shot back during the Steamer Tea Party in Feb 2010)

And we hope that you don’t forget either!

Now you can’t say that nobody reminded you. But wait, there’s more! Of course, our 9 pm show features the Creaking Planks, but also two other grand acts you don’t get many chances to enjoy in these parts — Raghu Lokanathan of Prince George, and Ana Bon-Bon visiting from London, England! If those names don’t mean much to you, perhaps you’d enjoy a refresher while you’re not killing your lunch hour surfing Wikipedia. We took over 4 hours on the air last week in promotion of this show and here’s two and a half of them for you to enjoy, resplendently chock-full of the music of Raghu, Ana, and even some relatively recent recordings by our very own Creaking Planks to bring you up to speed. First we devoted 60 minutes to canned tunes on Accordion Noir Wed the 11th, then on Fri the 13th we did much the same for 90 minutes on Sound Resistance — but this time with SpongeDev SquarePlanks joining in, allowing some spirited, if rump, dual-Plank performing live over the air.

We’ll have many more than two Planks on-stage tonight, with our lovely show running until midnight! Three swell acts will run you only $8 ($6 for Railway Club members!) and we look forward to you helping us with some ridiculous audience interaction antics.

Sometimes, the opportunities come so close together there just isn’t time to write them all up! Late the night of Apr 5th, a crew of five Planks , perhaps our biggest yet on the radio (including Dr. Stelhand’s debut on the chacharangi and Ludwicka LePearl’s debut on the beverage dispenser), joined Teddy Smooth and E-Roc (and practically a cast of thousands: Andrea Superstein formerly of the Marmaladies, Ligia Oancea, Jane Stanton, Suzy Shameless and Iona Beerwagon from the Terminal City Rollergirls, and Burgundy Brixx & the Purrfessor of Kitty Nights) to celebrate the 2nd anniversary of CabaRadio over at CiTR.

You can hear us here! Our first song, the Volga Boatmen birthday song, begins at 8:41 (CabaRadio enjoys great production values, and it enjoys them at its leisure), which we follow up with Psycho Killer at 9:40, our Kishka Anthem at 13:34, and Kiddie Closer again for kicks at 17:56.

Memories! Sights to rival the sounds from the CiTR lounge:

In promotion of our fabulous 6-year-anniversary show next Monday night, we’ve hit the airwaves! Last night we joined Teddy Smooth and E-Roc at CaBaRadio again over at CiTR in the UBC student union building, where we played tunes and made strange innuendo late into the night. Always good times. We hadn’t confirmed the engagement with enough advance warning to let potential listeners know, but … in all honesty, how many of you would be tuned in to campus radio after midnight? (More than I expect, hopefully!)

We lifted a page from our friend Ryan Fletcher at CJSF’s Melodies in Mind and as guest troubadors took it upon ourselves to musically interpret some public service announcements the show wanted its listeners to know about, including a very special rendition of a song from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, screening this weekend… well, you’ll get all the info in the recording. Also excitingly present, though you have to wait through the whole recording — a world exclusive sneak peek of some recent studio work we’ve been doing on Phaulonious J Knucklebones’ original songs, thanks to new friends made at the Orange Party! Admittedly this recording isn’t done yet, but it’s more than half-baked … and it’s been a very long time since we were committed to any permanent media in any form. A better representation of us, to be sure!

We managed to mine the Plankian portions of the show from its podcast and serve it up to you here; in the meantime, it’s not too late to catch the black wave of our promotional hype, as we’ll be on the air tonight down in the downtown eastside studios of CFRO Co-Op Radio at Accordion Noir, whose audience we haven’t joined since an Accordion Noir Festival promo appearance back in 2008. Excitingly, we’re hoping to take on the challenge to do our own version of their lovely theme song — and would encourage you to do the same!

In the meantime, here’s a log for our truncated CaBaRadio recording:

• Creaking Planks – Dead Man’s Pants (Al Mader) 3:39-5:54 (2m15)
• Creaking Planks Duo – announcements medley – LIVE! 6:56-10:37 (3m41)
• Creaking Planks Duo – The Girl In The Pink Canoe (Big Rude Jake) – LIVE! 16:14-19.25 (3m11)
• Creaking Planks Duo – Womanizer / Toxic medley (Britney Spears) – LIVE! 22.28-28.28 (6m00)
• Creaking Planks – Kishka Anthem (debut!) 32.06-34.57 (2m49)

We’ve also managed to skip the queue usually involved while waiting for the Accordion Noir folks to post their episodes online as a podcast. It’s here, 12 hours later, and though we don’t have a full track listing (edit: the AN folks do, up at their website, with creative song titling), here’s all the places you can hear four mighty Planks playing their hearts out:

• Creaking Planks Quartet – Accordion Noir theme (Andy Fielding) – LIVE! 0:00-2:32 (2m32)
• Creaking Planks Quartet – Insane in the Membrane (Cypress Hill) – LIVE! 11:07-14:30 (3m23)
• Creaking Planks Quartet – Flatbush Waltz (Andy Statman) – LIVE! 15:03-17:14 (2m13)
• Creaking Planks Quartet – Tanz Tanz Yidelehk – LIVE! 23:47-27:33 (3m46)
• Creaking Planks Quartet – Sometimes All Of The People Aren’t Here All Of The Time – LIVE! 29:39-32:49 (3m10)
• Creaking Planks – Kishka Anthem (studio mix) 33:04-35:53 (2m49)
• Creaking Planks Quartet – Vanha Jatsi Station ID – LIVE! 42:52-43:38 (0m46)
• Creaking Planks Quartet – Psycho Killer (Talking Heads) – LIVE! 44:00-47:41 (3m41)
• Creaking Planks Quartet – the Song of the Count / Bones Bones Bones (Sesame Street) – LIVE! 50:20-56:58 (6m38)

Also eminently worth mentioning — us welching on our word! We were going to take all January off to develop new material for our anniversary show, but we did join the cool cats at Bandidas again for their own anniversary back on Jan 6th. We didn’t promote it since it was their own private party of sorts, but we played the heck out of lots of great songs there. Many happy returns and hope to see you again there next January, Bandidas!

It was a cold, wet, late night at UBC, and as the witching hour approached we wondered if any of our fans would be hearing the three of us make merry music over the airwaves, courtesy of Teddy Smooth and E-roc at CiTR’s CaBaRadio. Maybe not. But still — there’s always the Internet’s long memory (sorry, tail) to fall back on. Thrill as we (eventually) reflect on our origins and quip regarding the recent Accordion Noir Festival! And enjoy three great tunes, including one recently exhumed while Stateside from the ancient past.

Here’s the recording! And here’s the playlist!

• Creaking Planks Trio – Insane in the Membrane (Cypress Hill): 12:57-16:30 (3:33)
• Creaking Planks Trio – CaBaRadio stinger: 16:31-16:40 (0:09)
• Creaking Planks Trio – Kiddie Closer (Nine Inch Nails): 16:41-20:34 (3:53)
• Creaking Planks Trio – (Hit Me) Baby One More Time (Britney Spears): 26:42-29:29 (2:47)

Bonus! Hear us simmer in the background as we promote a different radio station’s affairs!

Picking up on an invitation from former Butchershop Floor cohort Ben Lai, the jug band of the damned convokes at UBC for the first time ever in order to spread our curious musical taint out over the public airwaves (CiTR 101.9 fm or later as a podcast) as the second hour of a special two-hour station fundraising extravaganza installment of the long-running live music radio show Live From Thunderbird Radio Hell. Beware! We go live from 10-11 pm!

Edit! Missed the live broadcast? Fortunately, the show podcasts!

Track listing:

• 1. Dead Man’s Pants (1:31)
• 2. I’m A Lousy Lay (3:58:)
• 3. The Girl In The Pink Canoe (10:31)
• 4. I Want You (But I Don’t Need You) (13:52)
• 5. Rhymin’ And Stealin’ (20:15)
• 6. Fight For Your Right (To Plunder) (23:15)
• 7. Insane In The Membrane (31:33)
• 8. Womanizer / Toxic medley (34:51)
• 9. The Song Of The Count (45:07)
• 10. Kiddie Closer (48:23)

On Friday February 6th, Free Geek Vancouver (one of our now three “house band” arrangements, though admittedly they don’t have incredibly frequent occasions on which to call on us) invited us to do a brief set opening for a speech on copyright and freedom by renowned hacker Richard Stallman at the Maritime Labour Centre.  We rolled out a couple of technological standards (Korobeiniki aka “the Tetris song”, Kraftwerk’s “Computer Love”) as well as a new piece for the occasion (Flanders and Swann’s “the GNU song” — enjoy this rendition by the Muppets!)  Most harrowingly, however, the organizers hoped for us to join the evening’s main speaker for a stirring rendition of his Free Software Song, in the unorthodox time signature of 7/4.  Due to complications, we were unable to secure either a sound check or a moment’s rehearsal with the main attraction, so what follows is a raw document (c/o Alan Zisman, who recorded our whole set — perhaps to be exposed here once it’s recovered) of us bucking up and boldly plunging once more unto the breach.

(The Feb 19th, 2009 episode of Each For All at Co-op Radio used a recording of our Korobeinki rendition to open the episode before discussing Free Software and rebroadcasting Stallman’s lecture.)

Also, cheers to Julie Peters who threw our new, “kid-friendly” rendition of Closer (straight from our CJSF apperance, from one campus station to the next) on the Feb 11th episode of her radio show Audio Text (on CiTR, 101.9 fm) alongside passionate appearances from RC Weslowski, Magpie Ulysses, and Duncan Shields.  If you like, you can download a podcast recording of the episode here — though we only turn up with the one song.  The rest of the crew do their bit to make it a charged, erotic recording that meets its holiday occasion head-on.

Unrelatedly, If anyone out there (I’m looking at you, Portland) has ended up with any early Creaking Planks demo material, would it be possible for you to send us a digital photo of the design and packaging (such as it is)?  We’re perversely interested in putting up a gallery here of merchandise that is essentially unobtainable.  See what you missed?

Building somewhat from the somewhat meagre turnout the previous time we had representation on this show a year ago, Ryan Fletcher kindly invited us back and we now offer a wider selection of Planks for delightful infernal noisemaking from 8 through 8:30 pm, after which we give up the mic for a half-hour to Seva … then jump back in to the song circle from 9 through 9:30, with Sayde Davis Black, Sillken and Vanessa Silva. If you can’t catch the station on the air, you can try to stream its signal online!

Then we’ll be back in a week to play the Highland Pub Monday Feb 2nd… if we have it in us to scale Burnaby Mountain twice in one month! Phew!

Update: Blackbox, Rumblebucket and Cap’n Jack Spare-ribs made it up through the fog and snow and had a gas on the air… then, later, the episode was kindly made available to us. A groomed recording of the show (largely omitting the other guests) will shortly be made available in this very spot (and here it is)! Highlights of the show include:

• 01.22 Dead Man’s Pants
• 08.27 Osasa
• 13.48 Song of the Count
• 18.22 Numbers and Names
• 23.10 our new kid-friendly version of Closer
• 28.14 Insane in the Membrane
• 37.24 Lousy Lover and
• 43:09 Snazzy Portland (guess we shouldn’t have bothered with that kid-friendliness!)

Bonus! Our stalwart horn stepped in to join Sayde Davis Black for a tune, “Livin’ it Right” from 32:12-36:44! Also from 41:01-42:07 we improvise a tune to a public service announcement (a bit of flavour particular to this show) which is unlikely to turn up on any of our set lists despite its distinctive and unmistakable Plankian flavour. All that plus a pile of interviewish remarks and sorry wordplay. Makes you kind of wish you were there… and now, through the miracle of technology, you can be!

Last summer (August 2007), following a kind word from our rare musical saw player par excellence Rusty Sawbones during a recording session at Rave On Studios, the Planks were invited to contribute a tune to the second annual Very Vancouver Christmas SPCA benefit compilation (of which volume three is now available!)  Taking a tip from Andrea Hector’s “Old Mutt For Christmas” the first year around (as well as perennial holiday novelty favorite “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas“), during a reading material-less Greyhound trip back from a silent-movie-themed wedding in Washington State, Blackbox drew up a list of holidays and animals associated with them, aiming to distill them down into a document stating a central core thesis: that animals are pals for all year round, not just holidays.

Of course, knowing that everyone else on board would capitalise on the donation of their work to demonstrate their soft-pop radio friendliness, and knowing that even if we tried the Planks could do no such thing, instead we perversely went for contrast and dwelled gleefully glumly in our trademark melancholic sound… but with goofy lyrics, however cogent to the matter at hand.

Our local animal shelters are still earning royalties from our somewhat terrifyingly sloppy recording (second only to the terror of the photoshop jobs that incrementally crammed the entire band into a single frame), so it can’t be dished up for your enjoyment without stealing valuable pennies from the pound (but here’s a fun way you can send some kibble their way!), but Plank alumnnus (and filk superstar!) Strong Brew Lundervillain did record an uncannily spirited version of her own with musical partner John (and here is their website) and here you can even download it.  Gadzooks!

Now, for the first time, if you like you can even have the option of reproducing the tune for yourselves courtesy of one of Blackbox Squeezebeard’s bastard streamlined lyrics/chord arrangements, not entirely dissimilar to the ones the Planks learn all their songs with!

		intro:
 	   A-          D-          E7
 	(I want a hippopotamus for Christmas...)

A-           E7        A-       E7 A-           E7              A-  A7
Never give a puppy for Christmas / Never give a chipmunk in the fall...
D-           A7            D-              E7            F+         E7
Never give a woodchuck for Groundhog day / Never give an octopus at all!
A-           E7       A-    E7 A-           E7           A-     A7
Never give a bunny at Easter / Never give a cat for Valentine's...
  D-                A-  E7 A-           B7            E7              A-     A7
A Passover pig is a bad idea, and don't even think of New Year's porcupines!

 	D-		     A-                        E7                                   A-          A7
 On St. Patrick's Day don't bring in any snakes / St. Patrick drove them out but you can't undo his mistakes...
       D-                             A-                 B7                          E7
 Don't give a caged bald eagle on the day of July 4 / On Hallowe'en a raven we'll be giving NE-VER-MORE...

(two instrumental verses, restart first line of first verse, then)
D-                         A-              E7         F+       E7                             A- D- E7 A-
Never give a woodchuck for Groundhog day / Never, no never, no never, give, an octopus at all!

In honour of four years now of service and due diligence, an unlikely trio of Creaking Planks once again find themselves at the Horace Phair (: Know Your Ancient Grains, and Go Straight To The Foreskin) with music to share.  Though our Video In sessions of this Spring are tantalizingly not quite ready for prime time, we like the idea of leaving little bits of ourselves behind (“have you ever seen a leper / drinking Dr. Pepper?”) as memorabilia even after we stop playing live and mosey along.  So, although there are no demo CDs this time around, we have compiled a virtual mix (originally conceived of, a bit too late, as a muxtape) to commemorate our times here in different configurations, consisting of live recordings of various Planks performances at various venues over our long and storied history.  They may not be our sharpest-ever takes on these tunes (only those within microphone range), but despite the occasional blue notes there are inspired passages here on some Planks rarities largely unheard on prior recordings and give an impression of breadth beyond the steamroller of our contemporary “power set” (also represented here), documenting our varying energies and confidence levels as we’ve matured as performers (and not, for instance, as humourists.) Here’s the track listing:

• 1. Snazzy Portland (from the Solstice show in Victoria Feb 1st, 2008)
• 2. Sandwich Artist (from our Thundering Word Heard feature at Cafe Montmartre Oct 21st, 2007)
• 3. Re: Your Brains (from the Travis + Rowan PAVI session in the Spring of 2008)
• 4. Insane in the Membrane (from our Cafe Montmartre night Nov 7th, 2007)
• 5. Never Give A Puppy For Christmas (Solstice)
• 6. I Saw Polly In A Porny (from our set at the Penthouse Aug 10th, 2008)
• 7. Man Cougar / Lousy Lover (Penthouse… all run together)
• 8. Taking My Oyster For Walkies (Solstice)
• 9. Blown Away (A night of sad songs 2 at Blim April 23rd, 2005 — our first show with Blackbox!)
• 10. Love Cats … and the Song of the Count intro bonus! (Penthouse)
• 11. Osasa (Solstice)
• 12. Numbers and Names (Penthouse)
• 13. Closer / American Wedding (Penthouse)
• 14. Shakespeare’s Got a Gun (Solstice)
• 15. O Superman (Montmartre)
• 16. Happy Birthday / Volga Boatmen medley (Solstice)

Here you go! As Douglas Adams might have said, share and enjoy.